Kusut masai

Kamu tau ka perasaan yang kusut masai macam mana? I just can't describe it in proper words. I just can see a mess of tangled strings of events and tasks altogether. Practically feeling helpless and having no idea where to start.

Well, first of all, my room is already in a mess with all the files and books piled up on the floor. Kept bringing things home but ended up not doing any. Sounds familiar to any teachers?

Yesterday, I sort of "sumpah" my student saying "saya harap ko mati". Because he kept giving excuses for not going to school that he is sick maka kedapatan melepak in town with his gang. Still, after the rage subsides, I tried to talk to him nicely and let him know that he needs to be in school for his future.

And today, more drama, during class, a student wanted to go out saying that he need to find the compass (jangka lukis) because am teaching the topic. Half an hour passed and he is still not in and one of the friend saw he was loitering around at the nearby block. So, when he finally came in; all hell break loose.

I shouted and threw a duster to him. The penolong kanan petang was teaching at the block opposite so I can see he was looking at my class. I asked the student to tell the PK petang why he left my class for so long but he opt not too. So I halau him from the kelas. I just don't care anymore.

Sometimes, I wonder why I can't be nice to these students. I felt sorry for them. They may have their own side of stories for everything but today is just not the time for this. Maybe this is PMS or maybe this is a burnout syndrome. At times, I felt like taking a break from teaching and just do something else.

I guess being human sometimes you need a break or at least motivation to get going. At this point, I really need supportive colleagues to get me going for only they know how's the school environment is. Telling this kind of things to others will be slightly different because they don't feel the situation.

Sigh! And the lists of things still unchecked. I need to return this call like two days ago but haven't got the time to do it.