Day 2 = A photo of you and your family

Argh. The family photo. THE FAMILY PHOTO. In my laptop's hard drive, in the picture collection, I can't find the complete family photo with me inside the picture. Saya malas mau cari di external hard disk.

It's either just everyone else minus me or I am inside the photo and somebody went missing. I am so gonna need another new tripod.

Because the existing tripod at home yang ada sudah jadi ini.

Now you know, how we did our videos kan. DIY semua..haha. But that was last time la, now I have the Sony Bloggie. Made everything less complicated. :)

Okay back to the main agenda..

So, here's the only photo of me and my family that I found ( errr, plus my cousin la cos this was taken during his wedding ) ... Ahaha.. bulih la bah kan?

no sleep no rest

Sunday 0100 hours , and I am still awake. I am sure gonna be a zombie when I go to school later in another 6 to 7 hours. Yes, I have to go to school on a Sunday. It is open day for my school. All are welcome. Hehe.

To make myself sleepy, I browse through the net, my other blogs and other utter nonsense that I can do on the net. But my old friendster blog really caught my attention back again *and this didn't make me any sleepy at all*. 

I changed a lot over the past few years. Who don't right? 

Yeah, I changed. To my utmost surprise, I changed by a lot and I didn't even realize it.

There is no need to elaborate on what way did I change *physically not counted la, because that one surely can see~hehe*. My old blog also a perfect reference of things that happened in the past since I don't really keep a journal. One thing that is very different is about the things that I write on my blog.

Last time, I don't really choose the things that I wanted to blog about. Anything goes. No censorship and what not. Now, it's different. I tend to be careful with what I blog about scared that I might reveal some stuff that might be sensitive to others... and only after reading my old blog I realized that being too careful equates to boring stuff. Seriously.

One of my old blog post.... A long post that I rarely do now. Read if you want, close the window now if this bore you ;p

I am who I am, but the problem is – Who am I?

{ January 25, 2006 @ 10:42 pm } · { Uncategorized } 
{ } · { Comments (2) }

It never occurred to me that having a unique name (as I would like to define my name) could cause a total confusion especially to those who are not familiar with my situation. I think it is not only because of my name, I think it’s partly because of my race and the look that I have. Well, as you read this I may not be making any sense right? Let me tell you in the simplest way that I can simplify this.

I went to update my so-called smart card name tag in the USM student hall today, and of course the officer in charge has to scan my card and check my details on the computer. When he saw my details, I can see the bewildered look on his face which I can most of the time see when I came to a situation like this. Then he asked, “Dari Sabah ye?” I was like – “Duh! Can’t you see it? It’s all in the database in front of you”. But I just replied with a smile, “Yes”. Well, I might seem to be doing a shallow judgment on a situation like this but this is not the first time I was in this kind of situation. Sometimes people even asked why I have the ‘BINTI’ in my name and I am not Malay. And even in some case they even asked “You convert ke?” Another one is when they saw my name and say “Kenapa nama macam Melayu tapi muka cina?”Aiyo! Hello??? JOAN VIVIENNE is not a Malay name ok…It is just the existence of the BINTI there made me look Malay (by name only la).Why la people are so shallow? The BINTI have existed there because of the stupid policy that Sabah Government had during the 80’s but I am curious also why some of my friends doesn’t have the BIN or BINTI- and all my sisters don’t have also. I have been planning to remove the BINTI all this while but hasn’t got the time to do it.

Another case is that I have been always being mistaken to be a Chinese. Well, anyway I can’t blame those people because they might be deceived by the looks. I am not totally a non-Chinese anyway. By mathematical calculation (heheheh) I am ¼ Chinese and the rest is the mixture of Dusun and Dusun Lotud.(there might be Kadazan also somewhere but I just don’t care because KDM somehow share the same root). But almost half of my lifetime I have been made to believe that I am ½ Chinese (But that one is another story) and since now I am not living in my hometown I am still defining myself as half Chinese since it is easier to explain to people like that. Not too mention having one of the rarest surname is also another problem. Wu (meaning witch or doctor) when pronounced in Hakka is Moo. It is just recently I know how to write my own family name (forgot to mention here- I am not Chinese educated and I didn’t grow up in an environment that I can learn to speak and write Chinese). And I guess this should be enough to explain why I can’t converse in Chinese when one started asking questions.

These are only the “surface” stories of my undefined identity. There have been a lot of incidents that made people to question my name, my looks, my race, my language, my dialect, and the list goes on. I do not need people to understand me especially my identity because each and every one of us is of course unique and we should respect and tolerate each other for that especially in our country that has a plural society. But please la…do not ask people “Dari Sabah ye?” as if Sabah is not part of Malaysia. Segregation is not good.

Not for the weak heart

Eh? Weak heart...Got such word ka. My English is buruk already now. Later I might sound like a China punya signboard.

Anyway, I just don't know how I came across this site. On-d-scene

It is more to journalism kinda thing on a blog, but..but..the accident stories, they have visual aids.

And..man, I tell you.

I scroll until the 4th story, I can not stand the pictures already.

Maybe not for you, but it is too gruesome for me. And the pics is definitely not fake..

Owh, the twisted in an awkward angle limbs...and blood..

Aaaaaaaa. I close the window without even finishing to the end of the page. 

I might have nightmares tonight.

discussions in a group

I saw this thread in one of my Yahoo groups. The first thread sound like this

Dear Friends,

As we are celebrating soon Hari Malaysia, from CMO
Penang, would like to request for your sharing for
Hari Malaysia.

Question:
What is your feelings towards the Sept 16 1963? Does
it make any difference for you?

Please send you reflection soon. Thank you.

Usually I will be the silent one. But after reading several replies after that, I couldn't help myself from not replying to them because some of the replies sounded like this

"do the west msians even know when the malaysia day. i myself never celebrate merdeka on 31 august bcz i felt it's like celebrate something that is not belong to me. but when it comes to 16 september, does anyone even know the existence of this date? east msians always feel that they are not even msian."

"personally I believe the that Malaysia Independence Day to be celebrated on 16th of September instead of 31 August as the federation of Malaysia does not exist on 31 August1957."

Anyway, I am not pointing fingers that they are wrong or what so ever. People are entitled to voice out what they think. So here's my take on this.

Feelings towards Sept 16 1963 eh? Well, one thing for sure that I know now is that Sabah has a public holiday for that. And I should rejoice for it. :) . But what actually happen on that exact date 45 years ago for me is something that has changed the whole nation. Malaysia was born that time. I can never imagine how things will be like now if Sabah and Sarawak did not join Malaysia and never did gain independence through the merge.

Will these two states govern by their own and become very rich? Will we, Sabah be under the Phillipines ruling or will Indonesia declare these two states as theirs? There is so many what ifs and what will be, question marks everywhere. Some people speculated that we will do well on our own. Should we never join Malaya, our oil, gas, forest and other sources won't be exploited so much by the federal government. and we never become one of the backwards state in the country. This could be true.

Or it might not be. We never know. The past is the past. And history will never be re-written all over again.

For what I know, at this present time, as we are now celebrating the 51st year of independence and 45 years of the birthday of Malaysia, the minds and attitude of most people, any race or religion, are still not MERDEKA. Why do we still argue about rights of any race, supremacy, power, and the list goes on. As far as I seen, we are definitely not on the right track to create the Bangsa Malaysia that has been one of the main agenda in our country now.

Why there should be a difference between 31st Aug and 16th Sept? It is just a date anyway. Yes, it is only the date but the historical value of the date that made all the difference. After all the years, we spent going to school, enriching our minds, can't we realize that the both dates carries a lot of significance to every citizens?

Sabah and Sarawak gained their independence through the formation with Malaya therefore Malaysia was born. But, how can we neglect the independence of Malaya in the first place. Make it simpler like this, if Malaya never gain independence in the first place, Malaysia will never even exist in the map of the world now.

If that is too hard, just imagine that your parents never met in the first place (this is like Malaya's independence) , you will never be born into the world (and that is just like the existence of Malaysia now). The whole thing is connected. So, why fret about celebrating both dates. After all, there is gonna be public holidays anyway on both dates right? :)

The important thing now is to how to live with people with different backgrounds and ideology. It is not meant to be easy but at least we are trying to be the Bangsa Malaysia. We are the people, we are living in the present, if anyone feel that we need a change for the better, we shouldn't be talking about what SHOULD take place in the PAST. We should be thinking on what should be done NOW.

*is this too long? hehehe* Of course this was posted on the groups discussion board. But I have nothing to write on my blog today. So, just sharing lah ..hehe

what do u think of this...

Acting class for dogs

From the left: Uncle Tua, Wogok, and Montoku

result: Uncle Tua failed miserably

spell a.t.h.e.i.s.t

I wonder those days when our ancestors is still practicing animism or paganism, how on earth did they first believe in the existence of a supreme power that control their life and their surroundings.

Is it because when lightning struck a tree and burned it down then it is an omen that “GOD” is pissed off?

Is it because the crop didn’t grow that year then it is an indicator that the people has done something wrong and now should be punished?

Hmmm…

How about now? Most people have their religions now. Christians, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam to name a few. All religion believe in the existence of a supreme power that is I think should be called GOD.

But, how if the existence of GOD is merely just an idea? An idea that has been made by man?

Ok, now maybe some of you may want to stress on the miracles that happen by the works of this Supreme Being. Yes, miracles happen. Can’t be explain by science or whatever theory…a miracle.

Belief of the existence of God because of the signs and miracles that happen. But, how if these things stop from happening? No miracles and no signs, should one stop believing?

Some may say God is everywhere and anywhere and may be present in someone. Yet, isn’t this again merely a man made idea or concept on the presence of GOD?

An atheist to be? I am not, not wanting to but scared might be one. Anyone can at least give their view on this?

Existence of God – Is it just an idea?