Mental health status : failure

Sometimes at times I just feel like i am a loser. All my friends are like building their family have one or two babies or more. Been through done that kind of situation. I know they have tons of shit to deal with themselves. I, myself on the other hand is  chasing after academic qualifications and jumping around for fitness class where the mister is asking for us to really start a family. Not that I am hanging any dirty laundry out here but I am actually stuck in between wanting to talk to someone and just swallowing it in just like that.

Sharing space with your in laws at one home where everyone is having their own system and preference is equally not easy. If it is your own family then telling them off about something (although it might cause conflict) is rather easy. But a hard headed in law family member, it's like brewing world war three. And again, I am obviously hanging dirty laundry on my blog but I really need an avenue to let this out because having some suicidal thoughts that comes with all this drama mamba is worrying me. (besides I do not get much blog traffic nowadays so to hell with it).

I just prefer to lie down on my bed doing nothing these days. The deadline to get my proposal done also is getting nearer and not to mention also that I am always reminded that my biological is ticking away the same way that the study leave duration is coming to an end. I do not have the motivation, things at home do not make me happy and at times I think what is there to be celebrated about in life? Do not try to offer me all those "other people had it worst", "count your blessings" and "be grateful" laced advices. I have been trying to keep myself sane with all those motivational thoughts as well. 

Right now, I just want to be holed up in a cave where no one can find me and just do nothing. Or rather be binge eating to be happy but I don't have the appetite now. Maybe I should starve myself to death now.