Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Exercising Post Dengue

My chest was on fog and smog. Fire wasn't really there but it's like my lungs is full of clouds, I can't breathe properly. Most of my friends asked me to take baby steps but I am rather impatient. I am very dissapointed with myself for not being able to perform up to my own expectations.

My first dance fitness class will be on next Tuesday. 3rd of May. I hope I won't pass out during the class. Now, two weeks since the dengue fever and a week after fully recovered, I make it a point to practice out two songs every day. Just to build stamina.

Tomorrow, I am going for a hot yoga session. I hope everything will be okay since the humidity level in the room gonna be higher and usually normal session also it will be harder to breathe. So let's just see how it goes.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Surviving Dengue

If there's one thing that I could do to turn back time is when the time the stupid mosquitoes bit me and caused me to get dengue. I have been hearing stories about how bad dengue was and now, I get to experience it first hand and I must say, it WAS NOT PLEASANT!

12th April 2016
Went to my Zumba as usual in the evening and I was not in the mood for zumba as well as menses this month was extraordinary painful and my body was not reacting the way it is supposed to be during my class. Felt sluggish but I brushed it off thinking it was just fatigue.

13th April 2016
Pushed through my morning class and end up being super sluggish again. Drove back with a heavy head and slept again right after breakfast feeling cold and pain in the joints. Luckily, my Zumba Kids scheduled in the afternoon was cancelled and I only have to brave through the evening class. Slept in the afternoon and the mister joined me as well as he too was feeling sick.

Zumba on through the evening and came back home half dead, showered quickly and ate potato bun and some mushroom soup.

Slept with this temperature through the night with major major joint pain. The mister had his body temperature almost 40C and all I can say that night was the longest night of my life. That paracetamol that I took provided just a brief relief, worried sick about the mister too. AND I have to pack for my flight to KK the next day. WTF!

14th April 2016
Basically in the morning, I still managed to do laundry and drag myself to the clinic along with the mister. The clinic prescribed normal fever meds and a jab on the butt for immediate relief. Just to keep me sane for my flight in the afternoon. Short relief and I actually have some appetite to eat the rice takeaway before my flight. That was my rice meal at least for the next three days as I do not have any appetite at all after that.

15th April 2016
Everything tasted bittter when I tried to eat breakfast. I was actually very happy to be back in KK to makan and do some delayed stuff for the shop renovation. The fever was on and off. Bad bad bad fever with major joint pain. I am still keeping in mind about the doctors' advice to get our blood tested by the third day of the fever. and it is only the second day. Somehow, I still managed to do some tiles shipping for the shop renovation. Well, at least the trip back home wasn't entirely wasted of me being sick all the time.

Still is worried sick with the mister since I flew back alone and he is left alone in KL with his fever. And my sister also start to have the same fever too.

16th April 2016
The want to vomit and diarrhea phase. I basically could not eat anything. I forced myself to eat some bread and that's it. The fever also is getting the best out of me. Felt like dying. The mister informed me that he has been tested positive for dengue. So, I was like so worried for him. Felt like flying back to KL that instant. But, I myself is like a vegetable too. Went to Pathlab for a blood test. Turned out negative for dengue. Perhaps my body is still not showing it in my blood. In and out of the toilet the whole day regardless of no food being ingested. My God!

17th April 2016
Still cannot eat much. My mom insisted on me going to the hospital again. And yeah, blood test again. Ugh!

This was my blood test. White Blood Cell count is super low with just 1.43 and my platelet is only 115. Positive dengue for sure and they want to ward me already but I said I do not want. First, I do not like to stay in the hospital. Secondly, I am scared of all the IV shit. Although, I know hospital monitoring is better because dengue is actually life threatening. I still do have my fever. Perpetually at 38C. It just doesn't come down. 

Also, if I am warded, I cannot go back to KL on Tuesday and I do not want that.

18th April 2016
My mom is actually forcing me to eat. Any weird garlic-y smell could induce vomiting for me. Strong smelling perfume. Salty food all are bitter. I can only eat a few spoons of plain rice or rice with sugar.

Like this porridge with sugar. Hahaha. So weird right. I can only take sweet tasting stuff. Anything than that taste like what only.

Also, I am so worried about the mister and my sister in KL. I was so close to flying to KL on Monday morning itself but there's no point as well.

19th April 2016
My flight back to KL is at 10.55am. Touched down in KL and I went straight to HKL to get my blood tested again. And also because my sister is about to be warded too. Oh God!  Fever is gone but I cannot walk very fast and I am actually experience difficulty to breathe which I never mentioned to the doctor.

My blood test on the day I came back to KL is also not doing very well but since I never actually vomited out, fever is gone and my diarrhea had stopped, they still do not have enough reasons to ward me. But thank God the white blood cell count has increased. Although the platelet count still continue to spiral down. My sister on the hand, her conditions deteriorate so much because she did not drink and eat enough. Perhaps because no one was there to take of them and I was actually home taken care by my mom. When you are sick, you really need someone to just pester you to eat and drink. Yeah, like seriously even though you will be cursing mad because you do not actually have the appetite and you just feel like shit.

So, starting from 20th April onwards, it was blood test everyday for me and my sister is in the ward. HKL ground now doesn't seem foreign to me anymore.

I have this rashes all over my legs and arms. So weird. The doctor said it is part of the recovery process. Hmmmm. And the lymph nodes behind my ears and at the nape of my neck also all were swollen. It was painful.

Can you see my sister's name on the board?? Bed no. 14. She is warded for like 3 days and got discharged yesterday. Dengue dengue dengue. Totally a bad bad bad experience.

And of course, look at my arms. Blue all over. Still nothing beats my sister's experience of being warded. She lost count on how many times the nurses and doctors drew blood from her arms. Cucuk everywhere. 

Man! That is exactly why I do not want to be warded.

So, we are all on the road to recovery. The mister is still struggling with this revisions. Such a bad luck and bad timing to get dengue a week before his exams. My sister is recovering as well, we still have rashes on our legs and arms. We get tired easily. I lost 2kgs in the first 6 days. At the end of the dengue week, I am 55kg. Kurus kunun. Puik! But I feel lethargic all the time. 

I do not know how will I get back to my dance fitness classes. I told the studios that I will be back by the first week of May. I seriously do not know how my body will perform post dengue. We will see.

My proposal writing is halted and I am actually panicking. But I guess, things happen for a reason and I just need to calm myself down and start the writing ASAP. 

All in all, I am actually grateful that all of us recovered (albeit still a working progress). I never knew that dengue is actually very life threatening since the virus attack your bone marrow and liver and interrupt your bodily functions just like that and in severe cases you could just actually bleed yourself to death from the inside.

People! Just be careful with the mosquitoes around you. 

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Postgraduate Life

Now that I got my writing momentum back, things are falling into places. Well, part of it because I am actually so stressed out with the deadline drawing in near and I do not actually have any substance in my research proposal. Hahaha. Tau takut. Itu lah main saja. Zumbazumbazumba. Itu saja kana ingat.

And when I got this email last week, sent in mass for all postgraduates. This really put focus back. Good idea from people at the faculty. Seriously! It really put my focus back. Now, I am not sure whether I should apply for this mock seminar or not. I only have 1 week to prepare and my SV is asking again "Are you really sure with what you want to do now?"

Hahaha. What a tough question.

I am in for another supervision meeting today. Hopefully, there will be some positive feedback from my SV today since the last two drafts of problem statement that I sent in was not very useful. Huhuhu.

Tuesday, April 05, 2016

Better days

This class was yesterday. First full formal class ever since I got certified last year. Low impact but it will get you toned seriously fast.

Maybe those around PJ area might want to join my class on 11th April. Yeay!

Sunday, April 03, 2016


Mental health status : failure

Sometimes at times I just feel like i am a loser. All my friends are like building their family have one or two babies or more. Been through done that kind of situation. I know they have tons of shit to deal with themselves. I, myself on the other hand is  chasing after academic qualifications and jumping around for fitness class where the mister is asking for us to really start a family. Not that I am hanging any dirty laundry out here but I am actually stuck in between wanting to talk to someone and just swallowing it in just like that.

Sharing space with your in laws at one home where everyone is having their own system and preference is equally not easy. If it is your own family then telling them off about something (although it might cause conflict) is rather easy. But a hard headed in law family member, it's like brewing world war three. And again, I am obviously hanging dirty laundry on my blog but I really need an avenue to let this out because having some suicidal thoughts that comes with all this drama mamba is worrying me. (besides I do not get much blog traffic nowadays so to hell with it).

I just prefer to lie down on my bed doing nothing these days. The deadline to get my proposal done also is getting nearer and not to mention also that I am always reminded that my biological is ticking away the same way that the study leave duration is coming to an end. I do not have the motivation, things at home do not make me happy and at times I think what is there to be celebrated about in life? Do not try to offer me all those "other people had it worst", "count your blessings" and "be grateful" laced advices. I have been trying to keep myself sane with all those motivational thoughts as well. 

Right now, I just want to be holed up in a cave where no one can find me and just do nothing. Or rather be binge eating to be happy but I don't have the appetite now. Maybe I should starve myself to death now.