Friday, January 29, 2010

ANXIETY day - part II

And so I walked into the meeting room.

"Eh, you looked like you have banyak anak already la wearing this baju"

"Lawa ko ni ari, tapi tu perut bah...doii"

Hmppph! I just don't mind with this lame 'compliments'. I have been working hard to lose my weight and am so positive that those comments I won't hear again. But I am going through a very hard time now. So, go easy on the comments. I have feelings too you know.

First, it's because of my hormones going berserk = PMS.

Third is the upcoming responsibility that I have at church. Yes, again. Why God? why me?


Ya.. can laugh at me or you can start that thought in your head.

And I know you will start saying things like..

"Uish, alim juga pula dia ni.."

"Ei, urang kuat church la bah pula"

"Halleluya juga dia nih! "

and whatever things la. Please stop. I don't like that.

As a matter of fact, I am very ashamed to admit that I do work and serve the church as one of the youth leaders. ASHAMED! I am the last person to admit that I am actively involved in church.

For the first time in my life this time, I wrote openly here that I SERVE the church.

You might get all bewildered why should I be ashamed of what I am doing now. You have your views but I have my reasons.

1) someone ever told me that I am too conservative, I wrote too much religious stuff on my blog, so I decided to not write about it. Just to make sure that I am not too religious and I might scare people with that.

2) for someone new that i met, if they ever asked me what I am doing at that very moment and so if it happens that I am working on some church related stuff, I will definitely lie to them that I am doing something else. Just to make sure that I won't be labelled as a church person.

3) in the car; if I want to listen to worship songs, I will definitely make sure that I am alone in the car. If I have my friends together, I decided to play other songs. Just to make sure that they won't be scared that I might convert them to another being.

And for the people whom I do not know very well, acquaintances mainly, I just don't like to admit that I never missed going to church every Sunday. Yes...I do go to church with my family without fail unless there's something that I can't avoid. Satisfied? I said it all.

If you think I am a freak right now. Yes I am. I am ashamed of my faith. And that's the truth.

Why? I just don't like the JUDGEMENT that the people around gave to me when they know that I serve the church.

And you see I am not the strongest person alive and I surely don't have the highest self esteem ever plus I totally don't have that thick skin and deaf ear to hear things like...

"Jangan lah bawa dia tu, holy punya orang bah dia tu"

"Bilang orang kuat church, tapi perangai itu juga.. bukan baik sangat"

"Macam bagus tapi...(plus smirking look)"

For goodness sake, enough of the pressure!!! I am just trying to live my life okay. Or perhaps I inflicted this injury to myself. Pseudoconflict?

But I am very sure that I can't stand the judgement.

People around me...please stop judging.

Please I beg you. I am a human being not a saint nor an angel.

God! Seriously.... why me?


it's not like a day to me. Anxiety month ~ January is totally anxiety month. Sad to say, February is gonna be the same.

The pressure? Unbearable.
Each time I think about it I can't breathe and I got this massive headache as if I had run 10K non stop and about to pass out. Hypertension on the way. I hope it is not.

I can feel that my forehead is forever frowning. The eyebrows seems to be joined like all the time. Unintentionally of course! I guess my head is always thinking about the workload. I think I will need botox even before I hit 30 if I continue with this.

Work-related stress?
Yes it is. and not only that, life issues as well.

Teaching is seriously doesn't get any easier when you have other things to do as well. Sports day practice, school team selection and what not nonsense you can get!

Church related activities. Ugh..this is another issue I have to deal big time. God! Seriously...why you choose me?

Socially...I am retarded as well. I can't connect with people anymore.Another issue that I have to deal with. What will help when no one knows what you are going through, let alone to offer an ear or a crying shoulder. Time and distance is always a factor and everyone's life doesn't run in a parallel line.

Family? Friends? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? anyone to confide in. ~Nada!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


got this from an email sent by a friend


The Royal College of Art's graduate show has opened, and this year, the show-stopper was a plug. Min-Kyu Choi impressed every passer-by with his neat, apparently market-ready plug that folds down to the width of an Apple MacBook Air. "The MacBook Air is the world's thinnest laptop ever. However, here in the UK , we still use the world's biggest three-pin plug," says Choi.

Choi's plug is just 10mm wide when it is folded. To unfold it, the two live pins swivel 90 degrees, and the plastic surround folds back around the pins so the face of the plug looks the same as a standard UK plug. The idea produced a spin off, too. Choi created a multi-plug adaptor, a compact standard plug sized unit with space for three folded plugs to slot in, as well as one that charges USB devices.

It's so plausible and so obvious a product that it should produce a few red faces; how many more years were we going to attach our palm sized mobiles and wafer thin laptops to an object that's barely been touched since its first design in 1946? Choi picked an everyday product that most other designers find too mundane to dabble with and drastically improved it - exactly the kind of thinking that we should be celebrating right now.

What do you think? Cool eh..

Monday, January 25, 2010

Monday again

It's the time again when time is the factor that hinders everything to be done on time. Dayem!

Anyway, this is my second week for my Mission Possible. I will definitely blog about it soon. *When I have the time...Haha, time factor again*

I am just to tired to do anything now. Mentally I mean. The to-do list just keep getting longer everyday. Must sleep early tonight, for tomorrow I gotta go and jaga the kids for sports training.

I hope tonight I won't have any nightmares. I dreamed about seeing and swarmed by lots of snakes. ewwwww.. and some other life's drama and tragedy. Ended up waking up to a morning which made me feel that there's something is not right.

Talk about waking up at the wrong side of the bed. But seriously, my subconscious mind these few days keep reeling about deaths and tragedy - and I hate this.

p.s: Sheila, you are not the only with nightmares oh this. We are on the same boat actually - just different issues.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

This song cover came out of nowhere. So, as an introductory post for Mr Uke, a video of Mr Uke will do I guess.

My Uke makes me happy. Haha.

Oops. Weekend is over btw.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Just You and Me

I see rainbows everytime I listen to this song. Ukulele rules!!! ^_^

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


The dragon boat incident in Penang is such a tragedy. A teacher and a few students died. My thoughts and prayers goes to the family and friends of the deceased. I feel them. I cried when I read the news.

It is such a sad and unimaginable situation. But this is how life is.

something to help

Lord, please help me to accept the things that I cannot change.

Also please help me to understand that some things are just not meant for me and give me guidance on how to let go of the things that I should not hold on to.



Forgiving and forgetting seems so easy to do. But letting it go completely is just so hard. Now I turn to You for help and guidance.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Mulut Sakit

There's ulcer inside my mouth. Inside lower lip lagi tu. That means if talk sure sakit. Dang!

Last night while emcee-ing the SIA Best Design Award at CityMall pun menahan saja la tu sakit while talking.

Today, another day to teach. Sigh. Luckily my class tidak banyak today, if not memang surrender sudah la.

Emcee-ing is another new thing that I think I should give a try in doing this. It's not really new for me la. But to do it properly as a source of income is kinda new la. A lot of things to learn still.

I really admire the style and charisma of Ryan Seacrest
Giuliana Rancic.

As for the local personalities,
Naz and Daphne are definitely my idols.

Mau berguru sama siapa lah ni ah baru boleh jadi macam dorang?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Weekend is over

How was your weekend? Wet? Haha. Luckily it stopped raining today. Well, it was cloudy still but at least the sun can peek through the clouds.

I can't really recall what I did for my weekends. It was fast. I just came back from emcee-ing an event just now. Blunder and blurred all the way. I think my tongue folded in so many lipatan maybe. Cakap pun tidak clear.

Ooh, sharing Paola the Polaroid Cam's work on our camwhoring project this Sunday.

The films are expensive but it's totally worth it to have the old skool look. I totally heart it!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Winter without snow

Now it is kan? Don't you think so. It's like water everywhere and everything is wet.

I wanna bathe also susah...why? My house no water heater la. So, just gotta brave the cold. Yet, it was not so bad after all after much shivering and jumping up and down. Haha.

Hujan pun hujan lah, life still have to go on. Saturday is as usual except that I slept until 8.40 am. So happy!!!! That's the latest time I got out of bed since forever. Yeah, *sigh actually*, house rules never allow anyone to sleep in until noon.

A few things that I would like to blog here:

1) Nice ka the new look for this blog? Haha. Nothing major changed but I know there's so much like the care-bears theme...still I like! Brighten up my day and I can't help but not to smile looking at it. Although the rainbow is an upside down smile. It still makes me happy. Cupcake must stay also. ^_^

2) I got an ukulele. With great determination, I wanna pick up another instrument this year.

And so got story la behind this ukulele. I went to Karamunsing with my sister to buy the Uke and since initially the plan to travel to KK was to attend a kickboxing session ( which was cancelled due to many absentees ) - so we are not really dressed for the mall. We didn't wear the sports shoes and just wear selipar jipun instead. Shoes inside car - lazy to wear.

Then we went in the shop asked the assistant to get us the Uke in the display glass. Manatau, there's a group of girls also want to see the Uke. Okay la never mind la, sama-sama see can also bah.

But the shop assistant tidak layan kami ni. Punya la silaka! Mentang-mentang la kami buruk.

He entertained the group of girls who ( of course ) were dressed for the mall. Nice hair, cute outfit. Then tune the Uke lagi for the girls. I am not a girl meh...( oh wait, I am not dressed like one ). Sportswear and messy hair. Blergh!

So, we just wait la and pay then just get out. Benci.

Went around the mall a bit and proceed to 1B. Sana lagi la, we felt alienated. Ciss!! Went in Hush Puppies punya shop. We were given the "look".

What????? If not dressed nicely, you think I don't have money meh? Saya beli 10 pasang itu kasut sana baru ko tau.

Just one good thing about not dressing nicely is that the people who always stand and kejar people to offer free gifts tu and what not offers...They won't approach you. Because why?

I look like I don't have money. Haha.

Dunia~ Dunia~!!!

Rainy Days

reminds me of Melbourne on winter

an interesting read (II)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Thursday today

Today is Ponggal Day. The harvest festival for the Hindus. I still remember back in USM, my roomate brought the rice cooked with milk plus nuts and sweet things after Ponggal. It was nice!

By the way, I just realized in my planner that on the 12th was Pharmacist's Day and yesterday was Make your Dreams Come True Day. Macam-macam ridiculous day pun ada ni. Haha. I am so loving my 2010 planner.

Oh ya, it is the second week of January already. How's your 2010 so far?

Mine has never been any better than this so far. Fingers crossed that more good things happening along the way. A lot of new opportunities come for me to venture out on the grounds that I never thought I could be. It is just a matter of courage to do it now. Will blog about those things when the time is right la.

It is all about the law of attraction.*google it if you don't have any clue on this*

Say Cheers to positive thinking!


The aromatherapy oil is burning now. A bit skeptical about the lavender smell tadi. I was having a tough time to choose the scent that I wanna burn initially...But lavender is amazing. Very relaxed now. I wanna do some reading lah. Need a time out from the net especially facebook. Btw, my mom forgot to cook dinner just now because she was so occupied with her facebook account. Susah la macam ni.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Don't spread rumors they say, truth is being exploited.

I am sure people of different religions won't be happy with this Tasyrif Tajudin fella. He is a hoax or a real person and the stories. God only knows.

People and their antics and own views, this is very normal but now the respect is gone.

Why? *sigh*

Just a thought, if something is burning. Put it out with water. Don't pour oil else it will burn other things nearby.

Everyone has a role to play. It is not easy but it is possible.

Quit talking about the same thing, same topic discussion, because explanations and debates won't take you anywhere.

Pray for peace, change your *not someone else's* thinking, and just spread the love.

Because at the end of the day, you are just another human being trying to live in this world and eventually you will die. So, live like you will die tomorrow.

Btw, being an extremist won't take you to heaven either...Hahaha.

Oh ya, one more thing...if you do have a religion, aren't you are supposed to be living as what the religion taught you to do so?

Love - that's all that matters.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Cross Country

The last time I ran 10K for the school's cross country event was like 11 years ago. That time I was in form 3 back in 1999. Budak lagi masih.

Still can run.

I ran again for the school's merentas desa today. But as a teacher now.

Still can run, plus a lot of walking.


Had so much fun.

From the sight of squashed taik anjing along the way because of the students' stampede, to injured students as well as the pengsan ones, teasing the students and pushing them to run.

It was such a joy when the students tried to compete with you when you ran pass them.

"Ui, cigu putung kita lah...lari!!!!"

They ran for like 10-15 meters ahead then stop again, just to make sure that they beat me...

and eventually I catch up with them.


I had fun. So did Daz and Mex.
Next year lari lagi ah. Kita kasi kalah si Erinah..hehehe

an interesting read

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Drama Time Out

Happy weekend you people! Let us focus on the bright side of life. It is a wonderful world after all.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Drama non-stop

It's tiring. The drama I mean. Don't they realize sometimes we are merely puppets played by some people? Discreetly done.

Tons of explanation being offered, according to this, quoting from that, different views, numerous dissatisfaction and mind you suddenly everyone is being religious today. Haha.

Lucky here in Borneo, the situation is almost non-existent. My heart goes to the people in Klang Valley who may live in fear now. Pray for peace everyone, regardless of your religion.

Another 13 of May to be repeated? We pray hard, please don't.

As I said, whatever it is...violence is not the solution. That violence related solution will only be taken by un-educated, no-religion and totally shallow human beings. I guess the Big Guy above ( regardless of any religion ) is totally sad with what is happening now.

Guess who is smiling now? Some cilaka politicians cum puppeteer I guess.

Ooh, and another thought. Don't you people think that this is also a wake up call for everyone ( for any religion ) to observe their religion better? To really get to know what their own religion teaches, how they should practice it?

And I think this is really creative... always think out of the box eh?

Introducing Paola!!

Here is Paola.
[Fujifilm Instax 210]

a new friend for my Alpha. Must make a special room for them soon because I think there will be more friends joining them in the future. I don't care if I am broke, I am still gonna have them.

Her maiden shot.

love it! ~and the excitement to see the film developing slowly....ahhhh~it's like falling in love..

But too bad, film mahal lah. cilaka betul oh.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

January Challenge

Keeping you resolutions for the new year is the hardest when the the old habits is just like drugs that you gotta keep taking.

Mine is : credit card usage.

My resolution this year is to spend less. Not exactly focusing on the Credit Card. But that plastic money is the root of all the evilness of my uncontrollable need of retail therapy.

To start with spending less. I promised not to swipe my CC for the whole month. Just to make sure, I wont add the debt.

But.. but..but..* uuuu, I can see eyes all on me now*

Forgive me. I used it at the petrol station yesterday to fill up.

Huhuhuhu... I broke my promise.

All right..all right. My bad okay. Don't start with the "I told you so" thi
ngs. But I did transfer money to the CC account just to make it even.

I paid the exact amount of the petrol. So, no damage done right?

I have found my solution now. I can use the plastic money but I need to pay it straight away. Have to discipline myself then.

The rule is : If you can't afford it then don't buy it.

Now, I am thinking to replace my CC to a Debit Card instead. Better like that huh?

To all the people who don't have their financial life revolves around CC bills. I salute you!!!


So, because I can't use the CC to splurge on things. I just wanna dream about these things *just to make me feel better*

1) I want a Nike sports bra

2) Pink Blackberry please?!?!

3) A Gucci Boston Bag
* at least the imitation ones la...can't afford the original ones. Now I felt like slapping myself for not buying the good quality imitation of this bag in China last-last year*

4) Pamper me day at a spa.
Full package *scrubs, massage, manicure, pedicure etc* Ah! pure bliss...Been wanting to have this since last year.

5) Fossil watch in Pink Rose.
Not that I don't have a watch right now but it is way to sporty to be worn with a dress or a kebaya. Like my friend said "Bikin rusak outfit saja tu jam kau". Come to think of it, it is true also la.

Sigh! Dream on Joan....

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Face lift done

And so....since I was inspired by this during the last school holidays. I decided to do some makeover for my room.

Well, not that successful though but am quite satisfied with the outcome. Since got request dulu asking me to take pictures kan...So here it is.

This is my favorite part of my room now.
The place for me to relax and chill out after a long day.
Tapi itu buku sana sudah jadi part of the deco saja...Haha..I was struggling to finish the book. Flipped one or two pages then I fell asleep. How to finish like that?

The other two sides of my room is my vanity counter......
and my work station. station no need to show la. Kusut kepala kamurang nanti..hahaha..But you can see also la sikit at the reflection of the mirror.

I know there's a lot of pink. Saya suka...apa boleh buat la kan? ^_^

Tuesday, January 05, 2010


seems so impossible...but it could be true at times

Monday, January 04, 2010

First Monday of the year

Yes, I survived!

Funny this afternoon before I drove to school which is by the way just 3 mins drive away, I say a little prayer.

"God, thank you for the opportunity to serve my purpose as a teacher again this year. Please give me Your guidance in everything that I will face today. Amen."

The prayer just come out of nowhere while driving to school.


Do you remember the feeling when you were on a long break during school holidays and the excitement the night before school reopens lingers in you as butterflies in the stomach?

Ooh, I definitely remembered my years. I was so excited especially when I have a new hair do to show off on the first day of school. Mintapuji konon

Now that the role is not the same anymore and coming to 3 years to teaching, the excitement is here to stay but it is definitely a different one.

Statistics of last examination is up, the PMR results statistics is out and these are the things that really made my life miserable at times as a teacher. Exam oriented culture - its inevitable. It stays in our community. No matter how hard the Ministry tried to oppose that.

Statistics aside, I am more concerned on how many minds that I can mold this year. So far the two classes that I entered today, rays of hope, like colors of rainbow can be seen. So, I must not mess it up.

My prayers for my first day has been answered.

Uhm..that means tomorrow gotta pray again la ni? ^_^v

One of us

back to school

not really quite sure what am gonna do at school today. everything is slowly taking its places. but bottom line is I am gonna keep this attitude this year.

Hate me if you wish but I think this is a survival skill.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Friday, January 01, 2010

Hello 2010

This was sunrise this morning.
010110 taken at 7am something at Karambunai Lagoon.

There's nothing more exhilarating than the feel good feeling of seeing the first ray of sunlight on a brand new year. It all signifies a fresh start.

Looking back on 2009, it was as eventful as my 2008 as well. Though early 2009, I wished that it won't be so eventful as the previous year - but it did. Hurm...

Anyway, past is past. There's not much that you can do about it except learning from what had happened and start dreaming, start doing and start achieving.

I have been living goal-less for the past two years. To be clearer, since I started working, I don't have any resolutions in mind. I just live life as it goes. Things have been good but I guess it can be better if I am driven by the goals.

Should start penning down those goals. And most importantly being realistic about it.

For the time being, I have these things in my mind:

1) Groom myself better to work ( LOL! - I look like a maid going to school you know )

2) Save more, spend less ( to start with; I won't swipe my CC for January *fingers crossed~bluek*)

3) Get my fat ass to train Taekwondo again ( I have been delaying this for almost two years...OMG)

4) I wanna be in the Flyweight category again please....please...please

5) Scuba diving ( need I say more? )

6) Clean my room regularly... ( Hahaha.. ini saya mau ketawa sendiri ni )

7) Be nicer to others. Swear less, gossip less ( help me! )

8) Get married?? Hahaha..( Buduh ka? NO LA)

Ah...tidak payah banyak-banyak nanti not achieved juga.

Bottom line is I wanna be nicer to others and I wanna put career first this year. See how far I can go if I put my whole heart into it.

So, here's to a promising year everyone!!!! HAPPY 2010

My D├ęcembre

As promised..
So here's how my precious December went off very quickly.

1) Carolling
It started early December and only ends at 21st of December. Every night have houses to visit and sing carols.

Penat? Of course...

Massive headaches as well because gotta take care of the younger ones in the group.
Walking at night...yes, that's the real challenge.

Bukit bukau, hutan, tanah rata, kebun jagung, anjing garang, sawah padi, jumpa ular, jumpa hantu... Semua ada.

Still. It was fun!

2) Charity
Held in conjunction for early Christmas celebration for the special need children. It was a great experience helping out with the other youths from church. Tiring and yes it was a good exposure for everyone.

I was the "sudden" emcee for that party as well. YB Datuk Jahid Jahim was there to officiate the event as well as some VIPS.

It was such a joy to see the laughter and happiness of the kids celebrated that time. I am gonna dedicate one post just for this event soon. *just gotta find the time*

3) Tom-tom and Jem-jem
Yes, we have new puppies. Adopted from two different place and now they are brothers.

Jem-jem is the white and chubbier one. Tom-tom is the brown and more agile one.
Cute kan?

4) My Story 4
Attended this event and again it was not disappointing. Although, we came late and almost missed the first set. But I think that fella need to brush up on his vocal sikit la. *uuuu..jahat nya saya, pandai komplen lagi tu*

Good line up again this time. It was very interesting to see a bamboo saxophone called Somporing. Truly Sabah music scene is very unique.

Oooh and the bassist and the drummer...out of this world!!! Names lupa but siok oh.

Still 4AG rocks!!!

5) Hen Party
Attended a friend of mine's hen party with the other girls. It was happening! I wonder whose turn gonna be next..?

6) Weddings and engagements
I took pictures to cover this events. Still at the very beginner level but am really happy that I get to share notes with the pro-photogs. Very valuable experience. And am feeling very happy that some people seems to be interested with my work. Thank you..thank you..


7) Supermodel & Manhunk Competition 2009
For the KK finals, I emceed the event with Alvin. Another great experience. Different kind of emceeing, different style from what I have tried before. Wish to do this more in the future.
And God, I envy those tall and slim models, how come they look so perfect??

But boo-hoo, I didn't manage to take pictures with the beauty queens who were the judges for the event that night.

8) Christmas time
A very stressful Christmas this time, this year. I remember I was crying myself to sleep on that Christmas eve because of things that I don't like happen during the joyous season.

Hectic was the word as well. Just wished that there could be more than 24 hours in a day for December.

Anyway, the celebration was simple and the open house cum family gathering was a bomb as well.

Ramai betul orang sampai saya pun tidak tahu mana mau jalan dalam rumah. I seriously dunno who invited until ramai like that.

Pictures will be up soon on facebook.

Here's me any my aunty during the exchanging gift session. She got my gift : a broom + mystery gift in a box. Hahaha!!!

9) Last but not least, new year celebration
Camping it was. Some people thought I was joking when I told them that I am gonna go camping for new year celebration.

Unlike my previous year celebrations, this time it was closer to nature.

and by being closer to nature, I had war with mosquitoes as well that night. Ugh!

Camping was fun but I prefer not to do it often. *giggles*