and so..it is hard

It is hard to maintain a consistent motivation to do things. Yes it is.

Example No.1

At work:

I have never been so lazy neglecting my lesson plans EXCEPT for one class. Physical Edu class. Don't get me wrong here, I love teaching Physical Edu and that's one of the reason, I said "Yes" when being asked to teach that class even though it is not my option.

But, i just don't like to follow the syllabus and I seriously don't have any clue on how to do the lesson plan for P.E class. It is way different from writing a Science / Maths lesson plan. Those psikomotor, afektif and what not terms...Argh!

Besides my BM sucks to the max, let alone I have to write one with those weird terms.

And so, recently my head of panitia ask for my lesson plan and student's work. OMG. I really don't expect this coming. 

I did teach the class but I never follow the syllabus and so they don't have any written work. Have been teaching them for 2 months already and the class is only once a week. I can't even afford to write lesson plan and give them work. All this while I just teach them the practical stuff on the field...Ooh, a bad and screwed up teacher I am!

Given that circumstances, I am ready to be called by the head of department and need to do some explanation.

In the meantime, I have to start doing my work * documentation is a must a.k.a lesson plan * As much as I hated it, I HAVE TO! ~sigh

Example 2

On workout regime:

I am officially worshipping the Victoria's Secret models. 

Oooh, when will I have those kind of abs. *I have the exact style of bikini just that it's black in colour but I look like a marshmallow wearing a bikini when I wear that*.. I am dying for abs like that. Anyone who have any tips on how to achieve that...Tell me please....

Been running on the mill almost everyday and did some situps, some toning exercises for my arms yet it seems not enough and well-targeted. One thing for sure it's because it's hard to maintain that motivation. Ohohoho.

Like today, I felt like dying while running on the mill because my head says no to running and my legs are plainly lazy today. I always hated gravity, how I wish there's a pool nearby so that swimming will be the best form of exercise.

Healthy eating also one of the biggest problem that I have to overcome. Sweet cravings please go away!!!!!!

Tulung la. My mission this time is to do this without the direct help of any particular meal replacement program. I seriously wanted to make this a lifestyle instead.

Example 3:

Any other things in life.

Lately, I am just so NOT IN THE ZONE. you know what I mean? It is like everytime I am doing something, it is just SO hard to maintain focus.

From reading a book to the end until things like planning a project, it is just not easy to maintain a motivation that comes from within. I need people to push me sometimes. Dang! So NOT independent.

Conclusion:

I felt that I am burned out. Habis diperah, kering segala-galanya. Need some time off maybe. Do something fun and get back to work. 

So, peeps, anyone wanna paint the town red on friday night? Cuti bah tu..haha

my name is Pi-ku!

the latest addition to the family, a kitten rescued from its original home. He was tortured at his original home and brought him to our house and now the luckiest kitten in the whole wide world.. hehe *exagerrated to the max*

Welcome Pi-ku! 

Cantik ka nda nama dia... *especially the mandarin translation, really describe him and his attitude now*

Super naughty kitten..

That's Pi-ku and Uncle Tua *Uncle tua is the oldest pet at home*

Kawan-kawan bah!

blogging from work

Ini lah ciri-ciri pekerja yang malas.

So many things to do but still not doing anything. I am just plainly lazy and un-motivated to do things.

Huuu...Have to constantly glance over my shoulder, should there is anybody noticed me doing this useless thing during work.

Oh. Menyampahnya! 

Gotta force myself start marking books now. 

Argh... I am SUPER malas!

finally i found it

Been searching high and low for this song. Wanted to search on youtube.com, but I do not know the title. Wanted to search on midomi.com, but I do not remember the tune.

Found it by chance. Haha. Anyway, saya gembira sebab sudah jumpa....

I like this song!

eventful weekend it was

of stressful practice, anxiety attack, sleep deprivation, acting as babysitter, slept on the floor...*sakit belakang saya terus oh!*

3rd place overall, was not that bad. after all the competition level was good, like state level only...hehe

room for improvement are plenty and there's always next year.

....

Dang! it's already past midnight...Monday is here! Ooh ooh ooh. Help. 

oh! celakanya

my ...

room is in a mess ~ well, this is not new!

laptop's battery is so bodoh ~ oooh, changing to a new one gonna cost me some more..aiya!

handphone's charger rosak for the second time ~ and I am so busy now, I need my phone badly!

oh my...

susahnya hidup ini, why do all celaka things happen all at the same time especially when you need things done a.s.a.p

last night, my laptop gone berserk and it cost me precious time. then black out somemore last night. haiya. the proposal of a project I am working on is halted.

tonight, I really need to make some important calls and sms due to the coming dance competition. The charger died pula. Oooh..so celaka. Then the cable to charge with pc hilang pula. Installation CD can't be found....OMG. I am going crazy!

ohoho..It was such a relief that I managed to solve the charger problem juga la.

I am so gonna be buying a new phone la. The phone I am using now is goin to the old folks home for phones already...

But what phone I should buy. Definitely, I can't afford a phone costing more than RM500. But the thought of having a PDA phone would be nice also. Ahahahaha...

Buy charger saja la... huhuhu

happy earth day

the exciting thing i did

Haha. As promised, I have written in my previous post about the exciting thing that am gonna do today.

So, what did I do today?

Along with my two other friends, Eva and Elly, we gila-gila and went for this audition at Le-Meridien.

We reached there around 330pm already and were the last 3 person to register. My number was 0079. 

*Eva's 0080 and Elly's 0081*. Fashionably late and all the people there were just staring at us. Sudah la lambat ni 3 orang bising lagi tu. ketawa saja. memang teda kemaluan betul.haha

The form also 3-4 pages long, wahlao! So susah one meh? I don't really bother to fill in everything especially the part they ask for your makanan kegemaran and minuman kegemaran. hehe.

Done with the forms, we took our scripts and were being lead to the holding room. Wah, macam singing audition pula. Hehe. Inside the room, immediately can hear the buzzing sounds of people rehearsing their "news" script. All were very bersungguh-sungguh but the 3 of us went in with our laughters and loud voice. As if we own the place only, I guess some of the people there must be annoyed with us la. We gave them relief by laughing and making silly jokes what...ok la ba tu. 

The waiting part was indeed long. Went in the holding room around 4pm, and I went in to the stage 1 room nearly around 7pm. I am not complaining though. Did I feel nervous? Yeah, sikit la. But it doesn't really matter la, was there for the sake of trying it for fun only. Haha. Tapi can see the rest were pushing themselves la. Some with very tebal certs file lagi. Wow, I am impressed.

Stage 1 room

Three panels inside *some RTM TV personalities la I guess, looks familiar but I don't know the name..haha..sorry they are not THAT famous.* and a couple of production team. Lights, camera, tv, microphones. 

We said our hellos and the panels started asking about talents and all. I have written in the form that I can sing and dance only ~ not having any hosting experience. So guess what? I was being asked to sing a song. Alamak. Punya la...

SO sing la.. La la la la la.

Then asking me to do a mock hosting experience. Berpura-pura in front of the camera. OMG, why I am doing this to myself?? *Slap-slap*

Then ask me to read news.

Their feedback : Not enough punch, intonation and presentation was okay but not enough "punch". *What in the world is THE "PUNCH" anyway?*

They decided: To give me a chance to the 2nd stage but got one panel said I need to put more make up on because she said "awak punye muke ni bukan lah cantik sangat".....*Wahhh, terlebih pula tu!!*

I didn't show much emotion at the news of advancing to the 2nd stage, so the people in the room hairan... hahaha..They said "Kenape tak excited pun?"

Stage 2 room 

Hey now-now, it's a bigger room with more people inside. More TVs, camera, and lights and microphone.

3 panels. I don't know them also. *haha, sorry!*

Introduced myself. They asked me a few questions but I definitely can't forget the moment they asked me this.

Panel: Siapa pembaca berita kegemaran anda di RTM?

Me: Saya tak ingat nama, tau muka saja *OMG, I seriously don't know RTM punya newscasters, other station tau la*

Panel: Cuba describe muka dia macam mana?

Me: Sebenarnya tak selalu sangat RTM sebab kalau berita memang selalu tukar-tukar channel saja. *No homework la that's why...so cilaka this moment*

Panel: Selalu berita tengok channel apa?

Me: RTM and TV3 la.

Everyone in the room cringe at the moment I said TV3. OMG...what have I done? Ok, long story short. I was being asked to read another news script. Both in Malay and English.

Their comments: Penyampaian anda OK, taklah cemerlang sangat tapi boleh diperbaiki. Pakej ada. Bakat ada. Intonasi baik. Tapi kami baru perasan satu kelemahan awak, lepas awak baca berita dan kami tengok di skrin ni baru nampak. Gigi awak tu..bahagian bawah, tak rata kan. Tak cantik.

WTH? I was turned down because of my teeth??? 

Ohohohoho...Ini sungguh memalukan la.

I didn't feel very sad la. Dissapointed a bit only. 

Today, I got another perspective of the broadcasting business. 

Today, I was being labelled as person who is not pretty enough, fat and chubby, and my teeth not nice.It just concludes that to be in this industry,

YOU MUST BE PICTURE PERFECT.

I certainly can't live up to that. Guess am better off as a teacher then.

B.O.R.E.D

I google up the word and whoa...there is a site called bored.com . Unfortunately, the site didn't manage to kill my boredom. I am still bored.

Just finished setting the exam questions. Well, not all. Paper 2 done. Paper 1 is halfway done. Gonna continue tomorrow la. hehe.. So much for the semangat membara yesterday. Peyh!

Went to the salon this morning to do some highlights on my hair. Wanted to do something like this....

But since my workplace doesnt really allow blond highlights, I decided to go for a burgundy color hues. Much to my dissapointment, the result is far from what I wanted. Might as well I dyed my whole head with the same color. It might look better. Since the outcome is not nice, then it is not worth taking pics of my strangely coloured hair.

Tomorrow is Sunday, usual things in the morning I expect. Might be doing something exciting tomorrow afternoon. Exciting for me at least. hehe. Wait for my next post for the details.

In the meantime...

Boredom attack now. Nothing is cool on FB and since the giuk.net is not there anymore, my blog-hopping is restricted and I am not as rajin as before to do it anymore. I don't really bother to look up for other blog portals also because the community is different. Whatever happen to giuk.net btw?

WTH???

Amylea voted out instead of that very-annoying-looking-and-sounding Nine?

This is so unbeliveable. 

Amylea was also very surprised indeed. Kesian dia ni.. She deserve a chance to stay longer in the competition.

Well, at least TOP 3 la..

Ish..ish..ish..

Sokong Esther saja la now dis.

procrastination

Damn you internet. Haha.. I wish I can say that.

No matter what I do everyday, I can't stop myself from starting and concluding my day with surfing the net. Blog hopping, FB-ing and what other nonsense that I can do online. 

This year, the staff room is also equipped with free wifi. Aduiiiiiiiii... Luckily I am just a bit malas to bring my lappy toppy everyday to school. Kalau tidak....muahahaha

When will I finish setting my exam questions? *I promised to myself to finish it by this weekend..hoho*

When will I get my lazy bum to go on a workout regime twice a day? *Satu hari satu kali pun macam apa saja...membabi saja kerja*

Huuuu...Remember about my 10 kg in 10 weeks bet? *Aahhh.. progress is kinda slow. Help. Must discipline myself*

Currently, I am quite inspired by people like 

Mel *kadazanbonita.com -> Fitness people kan. Fit oh dia ni* 

and 

Christine *foxyfitnesschick.com -> Check out her pics . and also her fitness regime..wow*

Oh, btw.. I am now recovering from a sprained neck. So I called it. ahaha. I don't know what is the condition but I know my neck hurts. 

Celakalah engkau bantal yang ku baru beli itu, chey. Brand Dreamland konon. Tak guna juga. Sakit leher ku!

It's getting better la now.

Wah, time flies! Okay I am off to do something now. haha. If rajin la. If not I wanna sleep. Will face a long day tomorrow. 

I am a sponge

How I wish I am.

I just wish I can absorb everything and when I am full of everything, I can just twist and dry myself without hurting anyone including myself.

Yeah. How I wish.

I just got a call from a distraught mother of a student in my class. The student has some attitude problem and what not la. Then of course, I have to listen and listen and listen for all I know this is not the first time that she called me to seek for help in tackling the daughter's problem.

I took pity of her. The school has their own way of managing this kind of problems and the parents has their own. I appreciate both ways but now things are getting more complicated and the kid seems to hate everyone around her except her friends. How should I help her then? Oh and btw she is not the only one causing problems in the class. Easily there are 6 or more of them but this particular student has a very responsible mother.

Massive headache.

The phone call was just the closure about what happened today. As usual a monday afternoon at work is not something that I and I think my students are looking forward to. Again, nagging happens and I just don't know what I was babbling about either because part of brain was trailing about the work, personal problems, things need to be done, things I haven't done....and the list goes on.

There were many times that I mis-pronounced words, haywired sentences, wrong spellings and mistakes in my numbers. So, anyone who saw me in a very strange manner i.e looking to space in the midst of my work, my brain is on a monologue mode.

Where did I do wrong?

In the midst of the chaos in my head, I tried my best to mark two classes punya exercise books. I recently had given my students some short test to evaluate them on a recent topic. Notes and explanations and quizzes done very well in class. I changed some question and voila..all I got is some crap on a piece of paper.

Out of 4o something students, 98% gave me crap and bullshit. It's as if I never taught them anything in the first place. Wawawawawa.. where did I go wrong.

Reminder

I kept reminding my students that the exam is on the first week of May. My boss had been asking about the questions. Have I prepared them or not? I said I am working on it. Truth is...I haven't start any... Huhu

See, my job requires me to satisfy every other person's needs. I listen. I follow. I absorb everything. If I complain, I am a moaner. If I say it out, I am nagging. If I play dead, the result is a very severe headache. I hope hypertension is NOT on the way.

How I wish I am a sponge. sigh

High and Dry

Love is a losing game

For you I was a flame

Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is a losing game

Why do I wish I never played
Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand

Self professed... profound
Till the chips were down
...know you're a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Though I'm rather blind
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds
And laughed at by the gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

good friday

a slow, silent day, remembering the agony and sorrows behind the meaning of good friday.

an early hike to St. Veronica, fitting in my footsteps to the journey of the cross.

a day of solitude and pondering.

where do I stand now? who I am now? what have I been doing?

indeed it is a good day to just stop, break free from the hectic daily schedule and just re-examine your inner self.

have a good friday people..

cloudy days

yet another day,

yet another dark cloud,

gloomy are my days,

only faking a smile that i could.

things seems to be stale,

and every color now is pale.

when the world doesn't need you,

nothing else matters to you.

every thing means nothing,

even one is gone, you are one soul not worth having.

happy palm sunday

tika di masa susah begini

ini lah yang menghibur hati ini. *adui skemanya bahasa*

First time, I saw this band was on Channel V Amp show and it was love at first sight and sound.

Unique is the word. Retro sound at its best!

White Shoes and The Couples Company. Panjang la nama bah..

Keren Banget!