If you only knew

Compartmentalize. That's the word that I am holding on as for the moment. There's a season for everything. So cannot stress myself too much.

Keep nice thoughts in the head.

Remembering the carefree days of being a teenager. All was nice except that money have to ask from parents..haha.. and those days, internet is like uhmmm..what..internet..apa tu? Haha.

You 80's babies, still remember growing up during your teenage years listening to this song?

The song that probably all the girls that time fell in love with. The radios as well won't stop playing it. People humming it at school corridors.

And the poster of the blue-eyed beau plastering their bedroom wall. It sorta just hit me to find out whatever happens to this baby-faced teenage star in the 90s.

Gil Ofarim, now. All grown up.

source

-and transformed. At 28, he's looking hot. Itu rambut masih juga bah macam tu kan. Tapi tu jambang...doiii!!!

Depressed

No matter how hard I denied it. It is actually the best term to define the state I am in now.

I am practically in a bad mood almost every day. Maybe the hormones talking. Hmmm. I don't think so.

Suffering from low self esteem and also very very very broke at the same time. Things are not helping.

Looking at the mirror, I hate the girl I saw in the mirror. I am not tall and I am chubby. I have been delaying the get-fit regime too long. Time is running out. March and April, I need to be a bridesmaid for my my friends' wedding.

April event is still okay, still got time to "diet mati". March, ARGHHHHH!!!!! Macam mana la? The other girls tu semua kurus-kurus and tinggi-tinggi. Imagine air-stewardess type of girls. T_T..... huhuhu

Rambut kering, muka flaking, arms flabby, segala yang buruk lah.

The time when I need to turn to healthy food is so wrong lah, the early-year stress is always asking me to turn to comfort food.

I don't eat then I will eat people.

Joan is in a very low self esteem mode....hmpph.

At least this pig has a crown over her head...huhu. That should boost her self esteem

[ no title, I can think of any ]

I think right now, I am the most pessimist person that ever existed on earth. Often, when I am feeling down on a Monday I just brushed it off and told myself that it's gonna be alright. I just have to brace myself for the day and breeze through the weekdays and be happy on weekends.

NOTTTTTTTT......!!

I am unhappy almost all the time.

Aiya, kenapa ini oh? Saya pun tidak tahu.

I felt I am actually an outcast in the real world. You know that feeling when you feel so connected while you are online. ( facebook, twitter and what not ), but in real life you don't actually

- hang out with your friends ( in real life ones )

- have a real conversation (other than commenting on status/photos/etc)

It's quite sad actually when seeing some of your ( old ) friends are hanging out together and the only thing that you can see are their photos. And in some cases, you can only get tagged (?), instead of a "hi, how are you" kinda thing?

Why did I get left out? *Mungkin dorang nda suka sa kali tu kan?*

And these days, this educating job is a tedious job. At some point, it doesn't really require high level of intelligence ( screw the 4 years spent in college, throw the Biology and Chemistry nonsense ). Now, I really do think all it need is superb management skills. Which I am lacking of. ( sigh! )

I noticed I am a slacker lately. I can't even get the form teacher duties done for the day. It's either I am inefficient or plainly lazy. Or maybe its actually the same two things ( hah! ). To make me even more stressed out, the teachers who sat beside me have properly documented things, and primp and proper desk with task being listed out and ready to be crossed out when its done.

Me? My desk is a pile of gigantic dinosaur like mess.

Singing, dancing, and writing songs are the things that I did during my free time, the time when all the creative juices flow freely and it liberates me. It kept me alive. And doing free time activities nowadays is actually doing the "acquired" time activities. I have to look for free time to do free time activities.

I guess the words of a mentor ( ex-Innuendo member ) is actually true. Careers really do kill the creative side of you.

if there's only..

I am only wishing there's only one time that I will stop feeling fat.

But upon looking at myself in the mirror..

sigh....

dry frizzy hair

I felt like there's a dead pile of ferns on my head. The curls had gone all dry and frizzy. I hate perm-ed hair. Tapi pasal mau lawa, semua pun mau try.

Anyway, today is already the 15th of February. But the stories of that Valentine's Day and what not nonsense are again on the news on the net, ah everywhere.

The funny part is the news is actually sensationalizing the post-Valentine activities. The khalwat and stuff stories. And again, who cares actually?

It's funny how this country likes to police people on their personal life. Ah, wait. I forgot there's the bulan dan bintang on the country's flag. You know what that means also right? Oh, well.

For one thing, I don't have any hatred on whoever and what so ever religion. As quoted from here ;

Treat others the way you wanted to be treated. What you give, you get back.

Valentine's or not, I am actually quite happy today. It was a pleasant surprise to see this on my desk this afternoon. I love flowers!

Thank you! You know who you are. Hehe. It made my day.

Sweet Sixteen

I am sixteen.

Well, that was back in 2001. Fresh from high school. Ten years ago. Photo above is me, my cousin and my sisters. Muda remaja lagi semua. Ahahaha.

Should I heave a sigh?

Nah, gratitude is even better.

As I posted on my facebook status early this morning.

t's the year when number is a matter for the heart, be it in age, body measurement, weight but not height (sigh),plus keeping wrinkles away with all my might (haha). Not sweet sixteen but it's all right :p

I wanna live by Audrey Hepburn words this year.

"For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
 People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
 As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others."
— Audrey Hepburn

Happy Birthday to me =)

what's wrong?

Facebook.

I hate to see the "mintapuji" updates. Sometimes, I think its not worth it to post it there. Go, get a twitter account or something la. Kamu suka hati post sana, then I think I can suka hati kutuk you people yang I don't like la kan. Or maybe I should do some "friends" list trimming again. Ni kali buang semua yang tidak berkaitan. Muahahaha.

Twitter

It really kills my blog. Seriously!

I sort of blog in those few sentences on twitter. It's taking over my blog. Guess that explains the absence of good posts these days ( or are they even there good posts before? hehe )

Formspring

Boring-boring-boring!

.........

Ahhh.. I think I need to get a life la. I think I depend so much on those things to make me happy.

p.s: as a result of too much coughing, I think my eyes are like falling off its sockets.

Tuesday is indeed a long day

Why? I have 7 periods of classes today. So, while fighting back the running nose, sore throat, coughing and fever, I still need to teach.

Ahhh..macam mau mati oh saya rasa ni.

Hurried home, freshen up, had a quick dinner, popped in a few pills and bed time for a while before waking up again to watch GLEE

I really love this song! I swear, these Beatles songs are always haunting and very much powerful.

Rainy Days and Rainy Nose

So, I have been neglecting my blog lately eh? After the 30 days blog challenge, the writer's block sort of hit me straight to the head.

I will be clicking the new post tab but in the end will be staring at it for a couple of minutes. Not knowing of what to write about. Perhaps, I was too concerned on things that might be interesting to people, sort of the type of things that would appeal the readers. But, hey, come to think of it, I am not some sort of a blogger who really needs to get my blog to be appealing to readers. I am no Xia Xue. It's my personal blog and it should be about anything under the sun for me.

CNY had passed, it was quite a blast. Eating, drinking, gambling, and what not party stuff you could have.

After all the partying, comes the sore throat and fever and running nose. Sigh. I got an MC today, I could get all the rest that I could get today because tomorrow will be a long day at work.

Talking about work, I lost my zeal in my work. Not for the teaching but its because the environment is not fun anymore. You know when everyone thinks and acts at the same frequency, everything is so 'ngam'. Now, it seems almost everyone are tuning to a different channel these days and my frequency and theirs isn't the same anymore.

Not 'ngam', no fun, not siok anymore.

happy rabbit year!

the cherry blossom tree in the house...

I wanna wish everyone a prosperous rabbit year ahead.

Mari kita sama2 check feng shui kita this year. As for me, an ox;

Forecast for 2011 The Ox will have grown quite a bit during 2010. Its whirlwind moments and sudden challenges meant the Ox had to adjust his thinking and change direction on a dime! Some may feel a bit low about the way things went and it’s important to look forward to 2011 and put 2010 firmly behind them. The Chinese Year of the Rabbit will be encouraging for the Ox. For those who wish to change their career or at least change the direction of it, February, March and September will bring exciting offers and progress. <--- Ahhhh I like this!

Romance is highlighted in a very special way this year, with unattached Oxen finding themselves in exactly the right place at the right time to meet someone very special. For those in a relationship, this will strengthen and grow. June, July and October are wonderful months for love and romance. Friendship will be important during 2011. Whether the Ox is looking for new friends or drawing on friendships he already has, it’s important that he stays socially active. March, August and December will be particularly busy socially. The Ox should take time to ensure his diet is healthy and that he is taking time to exercise and spend time outdoors. Rest and relaxation will be vital for all Oxen during the Year of the Rabbit.

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GONG XI FA CAI everybody!!!