Monday, February 21, 2011

[ no title, I can think of any ]

I think right now, I am the most pessimist person that ever existed on earth. Often, when I am feeling down on a Monday I just brushed it off and told myself that it's gonna be alright. I just have to brace myself for the day and breeze through the weekdays and be happy on weekends.


I am unhappy almost all the time.

Aiya, kenapa ini oh? Saya pun tidak tahu.

I felt I am actually an outcast in the real world. You know that feeling when you feel so connected while you are online. ( facebook, twitter and what not ), but in real life you don't actually

- hang out with your friends ( in real life ones )
- have a real conversation (other than commenting on status/photos/etc)

It's quite sad actually when seeing some of your ( old ) friends are hanging out together and the only thing that you can see are their photos. And in some cases, you can only get tagged (?), instead of a "hi, how are you" kinda thing?

Why did I get left out? *Mungkin dorang nda suka sa kali tu kan?*

And these days, this educating job is a tedious job. At some point, it doesn't really require high level of intelligence ( screw the 4 years spent in college, throw the Biology and Chemistry nonsense ). Now, I really do think all it need is superb management skills. Which I am lacking of. ( sigh! )

I noticed I am a slacker lately. I can't even get the form teacher duties done for the day. It's either I am inefficient or plainly lazy. Or maybe its actually the same two things ( hah! ). To make me even more stressed out, the teachers who sat beside me have properly documented things, and primp and proper desk with task being listed out and ready to be crossed out when its done.

Me? My desk is a pile of gigantic dinosaur like mess.

Singing, dancing, and writing songs are the things that I did during my free time, the time when all the creative juices flow freely and it liberates me. It kept me alive. And doing free time activities nowadays is actually doing the "acquired" time activities. I have to look for free time to do free time activities.

I guess the words of a mentor ( ex-Innuendo member ) is actually true. Careers really do kill the creative side of you.


Unknown said...

hi joan,

huhu...drowning with the tedious tasks in the school..i bet i'm using my oxygen tank while diving in and out the ocean of school. i never like the duties as a form teacher..too many things to do... when u wrote of how singing and other things liberated u, u shud do that more often. it makes u happier. thank god i have found ways to find the art of liberation through songs too with my students. hehe..cheers.

Mas Light said...

I guess u're stressing urself too much till u drained all ur energy. Need to get some boosting. But dun overdo it. Hope you'll be back on ur feet and be happy ;D *hugs

Amanda Christine Wong said...

i feel the same way of being disconnected with friends in reality. sometimes i wonder what happened along the way. syok kunu bercrita on FB, tapi bila mau bawa hang out in real life, trus shut down. sigh. anyway, yeah, im hating my job now. It's an avalanche of work these two weeks :/. my fail meja is still so 2010.

CathJ said...

wah tinggal kena tag2 saja?? May be you been rejecting their invitation before... ?? ^_^

anyway.. all the best with career ya.. ^_^