Please be nice

At this point, I just do not know where to start.

Problems shooting to my way like bullets from a machine gun. Damn! Why do all the stupid things must happen all at the same time.

For a few days, I tried to stay afloat with the thinking that I can overcome this. Mind power. I told myself that I can get through this. Trying best not to sink in the mess.

Everytime I think where I should start the feeling of helpless-ness starts to seep in. As if the boat that I am in is slowly filling in with water and starts to sink in.

Everyone has problems but I guess mine is killing me. There's no need to elaborate on that because I can barely breathe now.

All I can say is everything that needs to be done and what's happening around me has problems. Every phone call, every hi's from a friend means trouble. I woke up this morning to an SMS that just spells M.A.S.A.L.A.H. I am in a mess up to the point that I just want to run away from everything. 

Rumah sewa, business, tuition, school, dance team, church, school event, audit work, attendance book, budget, nazir...aaaaaaaahhhh

Feel like going to my room, lock the door and slit my wrist and just bleed to death now. Just can't take this anymore.

Life please be nice to me.

off to school

mixed emotions.

can't wait for the day to end.

take time to smell the roses

gosh, i never knew having a career as an educator will indeed challenge my EQ as a human being. It is almost everyday I am gonna be in a situation that I gotta get myself together before blowing up to pieces to be an emotional wreck.

take for example, of what happened today. 

Sunday, school team dance practice. 

Waiting time: 1 hour. Teacher wait for students. OOhh. OMG this is certainly not good. Anger level reaches Yellow Level ( Warning Level). It's beeping furiously. 

Then this afternoon also, need to go KK *again* to take the the things that I ordered yesterday for the school big event on Thurs. 

Huhu. What a lousy weekend. I didn't manage to do the things that I planned to do. And I don't mean for leisure things, it is all work related.

Juggling a career, a mini online business, part time home tuition, and taking care of myself, family and household : it is definitely not an easy task I must say.

Damn it. I forgot to workout today. I am on a bet to lose 10 kg in 10 weeks now. If I manage to do it the reward is RM100 per kg lost. If I lose, I gotta pay RM100 per kg.

ada aku kisah?

EARTH HOUR is gonna be tomorrow. I have read quite a number of reviews and opinions about this event. Some are up for it, some are not. Well, everyone is entitled for their opinion on this. I understand why the opinions differs. 

Somehow to me, it is kinda heart wrenching that some deemed the Earth Hour to be a gimmick, plainly a promotional purpose, is a waste of time, a useless act...

I am no way being paid by the organizers or being linked directly by the organisation who organized this Earth Hour, but this is my two cents worth on this

If one see this event as something that totally can't change the world in ANY way, this is TOTALLY wrong.

To say that this event WON'T promote anything and WON'T help in stopping global warming, it is TOTALLY absurd.

Oh yes, turning off the light for one hour may not stop the global warming or even stop pollution or stop anything that can harm the world.

Yet, I know one thing. It certainly reminds me that I need to care for MY world, OUR world. By turning off the lights tomorrow, it reminded me that I need to do something. I must start with something small to make a change.

Awareness is the word.

Of course by just turning off the light for one hour on a saturday won't stop the formation of the hole in our ozone layer, won't stop the extinction of flora and fauna by pollution and so on. Somehow, if we do REALIZE that we need to do something, a small action by one person but done by many people will surely make an impact rather than not lifting a finger to do anything.

If not now, then when? If not us, then who?

Do view things in a bigger perspective people. Everything starts with awareness hence campaigns like EARTH HOUR is being planned.

Rome was not built in just one day.

Today we shall mourn

For it is the day of Malaysia's funeral

The handover done "perfectly". Transition gonna be "smooth"

Some will cry over the death and some will jubilate.

All I can say, I cry with a silent wail and invisible tears because 

We can't do anything

We are under siege

We are actually being oppressed

For they are in power now.

Playing God.

Seriously playing God.

I pray for a miracle.

Liberation...

I always said that I am a lover of sunsets and sunrise. I didn't know the effect of those lovely sunlight rays until today.

The fact has been taken so lightly by me.

My head is in a mess for a couple of days especially when I wake up in the morning. I stumbled upon beautiful pictures of sunsets on the net and OMG...the magic happens.

I felt so calm looking at the sunset pictures.

Yet nothing beat the feeling of being there at the moment where it happens.

You Crave a Blissful Life

Your dream is to live a light hearted, carefree life. You don't want to be bogged down by stress. You'd like to recapture some of the playfulness and innocence you had as a child. You believe that life should be about celebrations and fun. The world needs more happiness. You want to focus on the positive and stay optimistic. It's too easy to get depressed.

The Sunset Test

Ku lihat..hitam....

A simple act might go a long way.

Support EARTH HOUR

28 March 2009. 830pm-930pm

It is a Saturday. Forget the AF concert, forget the prime time news

Let us enjoy nature for one hour on that day.

* Huu, I surely miss those times when I was small, my dad used to bring the whole family out at the house compound and just lie down on plywood to watch the stars ~ Now, cannot already. Everything is too bright and more houses around. Hu-Hu-Hu *

EARTH HOUR

Can't you just shut up?

And then again, I want to complain about people saying I am fat.

"Eh, I haven't seen you for quite some time, you gained weight already la.."

Like duh! 

That is not something new to me. I do have 2 big mirrors in my room and several others around the house.

As a matter of fact, I , now, purposely avoid my long-time-no-see friends from meeting up with me face to face. Low self esteem. Yes and I just don't want to endure the moments of being told the fact that I already know.

I KNOW how I look like. And YES, I do REALIZE it! I guess I don't need a second opinion for that matter.

See.. people just don't understand sometimes. Telling someone, especially a girl that they are fat is like slapping them with a diaper full of shit.

Damn!

We, or rather me (I) don't like it!

Usually those who are not considerate with their words is usually people who never get fat, never been to my shoes, never been eating so much in their life and enjoying it because all they do is eat chicken food. 

Sigh~ this is not the first time I am ranting about weight issues.

I weigh 57kg. I have tummy like tyres, lipat-lipat sana sini. I have double chin. My cheeks is chubby. My thigh is enourmous macam batang kelapa, arms flabby. If you see me in a bikini, you will think that I am middle aged, retired body builder with a beer belly. I eat like a pig, I adore sasau fan and saunyuk too. Sleeping and watching tv is my favourite past time. 

And yes I am fat.

Puas hati? Saya gumuk bah.

~ but I am still pretty..muahahaha

Back to normal

Yes! Indeed.

Damn..Why do time flies so fast when you are having fun. Sigh! 

Tomorrow is back to work again or shall I say back to school again. I am just SO not mentally prepared to face the week. 

*Audit work, Teaching, Projects, Paper Work, Files to be updated, and the list goes on and on..*

Okay, let us just not spoil the holiday fun for now.

......................................................

13 March 09 - 16 March 09

Hello Langkawi!

Sand... Huuu, soft soft sand

Sky...I love sunset skies

Savoury food...

this was at The Loft. I heart those mini cupcakes but the ones in Pavillion KL is SO much better

Owh.. See my ugly + nasty back. So not sexy! 

Yes, sunburnt it was!

No, it was not from Langkawi... prior to langkawi trip, a week earlier I spent my day on Manukan. Snorkelling from morning till afternoon. Literally having fun in the sun. So, the result is that! Sakit u know..

.........

More fun in the sun. Enjoying the camaraderie with friends. The trip is supposed to be our mini reunion trip. But some can't make it. 

We had FUN anyway! ...yippee

Langkawi Cable Car ride to the hanging bridge is something not to be missed. Apart from fun under the sun. I had indulge myself in a must-do activity for me, which is..

a visit to the spa.

ahhh..it was pure bliss!

I had fun in Langkawi

16 March -18 March 09

Mai pi Penang!

Should I start with Penang? hehe..

Just two words...

Food Heaven

...........................................................

Sad thing is...

It is back to normal now.. Boo hoo!

Here I am

Saturday...

I just got back from 1borneo for a little shopping spree. Well, actually the real purpose is to hunt for something *which I don't wanna mention it now, save it for my later post*.

Tapi last-last, I ended up buying

• Asics Running Shoes ( need this badly because I have been using my sister's Nike shoes sampai jadi longgar..hehe)
• A book about Tarot Card reading
• 2 novels ( I dunno why i buy also, but it's cheap la..haha)

Hmm, it has been a while that I buy books. I rarely buy books by the way because I always borrow them. Hehe

And I seriously don't know why I am so into this New Age stuff, Tarot Cards reading and all that. Superstitions or is it something that we should believe?

As for me, for now, it is yet to be discovered.

You are Justice. To you, life is ultimately fair and just. You are a strong believer in karma, cause and effect. You proceed strongly with your actions because you are correct and will be rewarded. You are Justice, weigh matters carefully and proceed.

trapped

sometimes...

...but i guess it is more often now

am back..but some are gone

After the chaperon thingy last week. It was fun yet tiring. I was about to blog about it but then I remembered I didn't have any pictures of the MSSB...sigh!

Then on last Sunday, lightning struck my modem + wireless. Arghhhhh! I was internet-less up until today. It was a torturing moment to live without the internet.

I just wanna share the story that happen yesterday.

At home, I have WOGOK. *those who read my blog regularly, you will know who is this Wogok -->Wogok-Berus-Gigi, -->Wogok Acting Class, -->Wogok Small *

He died yesterday morning. 

Sob..Sob..

Internal injury and excessive bleeding. From a dog fight.

He was the strongest, boldest, fearless dog around the neighbourhood. But one thing that he don't have is the brain. When things gets dangerous he just doesn't know how to stop unlike the other two dogs we have at home.

I saw he fought with the other dogs on Tuesday morning at my neighbour's compound. He was the one attacking. Initially. Around 6-7 dogs involved. We called him to come back but he didn't care. Maybe the table turns after that, I do not know also.

I was busy on that morning itself, got things to do and at the edge of deadlines. 

The fight lasted for a few minutes and I thought it is just another dog fight.

Little did I know that the fight cost the life of our fave pet dog.

He came back walking slowly, blood is dripping from his ears. Swollen and scarred neck. His legs all with bite marks and some punctures. His fur wet with mud.

My sis and I cleaned him, put medicine to his wound, gave him water and painkillers but there's nothing much that we can do.

He can barely move, all his movement were all in pain.

He suffered for one night until the next morning, Wednesday, he breathe his last breath. 

I pat his head and called his name before I leave to Tamu. He is not responsive anymore, only breathing slowly. At tamu, my sis sms that Wogok is not here anymore.

I rushed home. 

There's no words to explain, how sad me and my sisters are.

I personally blamed myself for not taking an effort to stop the fight. The death could have been avoided.

Wogok was a close friend of Yellow Cat, who died last month. They grew up and played together. Irony of a cat and dog fight.

And not even a month after that, it is Wogok's turn to go.

Buried him with his fave ball. We can't bear to see the ball lying around there without seeing him playing with it. He was buried near Yellow Cat.

Now during meal times, it is such a sad thing looking at the kitchen door. No Wogok waiting outside the door, no Wogok to play with...

I am sad :(

small wogok back in 2007

wogok besar sudah

It is a hard fact to accept that he is gone now.

Rest in peace Wogok.

2007 - 2009

babysitter is me

blog hiatus for a few days

babysitter a.k.a chaperon for the Tuaran Sports Contingent.

wish me luck..

pretty hectic

mid sem test --> papers to be marked

4 classes --> super ridiculous answers and smart ones too

tired eyes --> approx 44 x 4 answer scripts to be marked

  --> crying at the funeral parlour just now

 

   --> scheduled assignments to be done

school sports team --> me a substitute chaperon

--> gotta stay in at hostel with students..*ugh!*

--> starting tomorrow...I AM GONNA MISS THE INTERNET....aaarghhh!!

Stressed

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Clueless. 

When every single thing stressed you out.

What would you do?

Felt like exploding under the pressure and rage and also mundane-ness.

Nothing much I can do about this. 

Stress please go away. Please. I am begging you. Leave me alone.