Here I am

When school break started, I wasn't even bothered because my mind is so occupied with the preparation for this!

After two stages and I am now in the semi final. Haha. Funny story how I ended up being in this competition. When my friend texted me about this audition, I thought it was just an ordinary one off audition and that's it. But, to my surprise when I reached the venue, it is actually a competition. Atui, punya lah!

So, that was me on the semi final stage that happen today.

After I was done with the semifinal stage, I came back and went straight to another rehearsal for an emceeing gig. A beauty pageant contest happening tomorrow.

Aaaaaannnnnnddddd, in the evening was the choir practice with the youth.

Totally, totally and eventful day and tomorrow it is already Wednesday. Tidak merasa saya pun cuti ni tau. Erk!!!!

Holy week is the busiest week ever!

Headache

Is it worrying to have constant headaches? Mine was consistent for one week straight. Gosh! I just wish it will go away.

Or is this the PMS causing all the unnecessary stress I am having? I no longer think I have a short fuse problem. I don't have a fuse anymore. I just blow up.

Hating all the things happening around me. And the best part is no one can really understand what are my problems so sharing about it to ease the burden is irrelevant.

The timetable issue is a never ending issue and I am supposed to play God to find the solution of trying to make insufficient supply of manpower work with the current school situation. Yes, I have the wisdom of God. And if I can't find a solution, I should find a solution. No matter what. Ah whatever! You will never understand.

Same goes with trying to find the right color scheme for the bridal party attire. I choose one color then there will be thousands of opposing opinions. How can satisfy every single other opinion in this world? Now tell me who is actually getting married? Does your thoughts even matter or you just want to take away everything that I want?

I am just trying to satisfy everyone's need and am having major headache now. If this is a an early sign of hypertension then you have succeeded in shortening my life.

Nowhere to be found

Tick tock tick tock

Time seems to slow down when you are waiting for the time to go off from work. I am feeling rather useless today. Went in the class to teach and just to find out that my students didn't do their homework and also the class which I recently being assigned to teach is a mess. Basic knowledge about adding and subtracting positive and negative numbers pun tidak tau. Argh!!!!! How to teach?

More of than not, this job is like being a magician. You have turn something broken to something new or something with a wow factor and it is expected to be done in a short time. ( tukar sistem penilaian, tukar buku teks, updating file mak nenek) I am no freaking magician!!!!

Teachers, do you like your job?

That was easy

I thought it was gonna be a long hunt. But then it was just love at first sight.

So am gonna apply the same way to all the other things next time. Just don't give too much thought about it and just choose. Less headache. Less expectation less heartache.

Strange Calls

Apparently phone scams are on the rise now. I got 3 missed calls from +85215890000 and accidentally answered the call from +8529423322. Pretty much confused the whole day because I thought it was boyfriend who called from the rig. Padahal bukan.

So, I googled the number and terjumpa that this is a reversed call originating from Hong Kong about some lottery thingy. A scam la basically.

I have no clue how my number can be in "their" system. Jadi, kalau dapat call dari +852 something something. JANGAN JAWAB!!

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Banyak la ba kejadian sejak akhir-akhir ini. Hmmmm. Tambah bikin risau, bikin stress segala.

I am still contemplating whether or not to hire a wedding planner or just do it on my own. Haish... I have short fuse lately because things are starting to get overwhelming.

February Round Up

Hello March!

This February round up came a little bit late. It's already the 3rd day of March. Well, maybe I just need a little bit more time to cool down after having a burned out period a few days ago. I guess that's pretty much what could sum up February. Joan was burnt out! Like totally burnt out.

To top all that, I had panic anxiety attack after all those emotional baggage overload. I cried myself to sleep for two consecutive nights just to let all the anger and frustration out. I got so fed up with so many things and I just don't have anyone to confide to during that time.

Recalling February

First week started out hectic with the prep of the KDCA-ISCEP program and the program itself. It was a handful handling the Korean students and also coordinating the program with the students, host families and teachers. It was hard but my extra hardworking colleague, Dazeree and I managed to survive the week. Bitter sweet experience definitely. Expenses claim in which memang susah mo dapat akan diurus this march. Kalau dapat kana bayar claim. Pui!

Chinese New Year! Angpau Angpau Na Lai... But boohoo. The role will be reversed by next year, I won't be at the receiving end anymore. Bluek!

Then it was also my birthday. Yeap, loving the birthday celebration this year.

Thank you Foursquare, you are so sweet!

Led the netball team for the MSSD tourney, a not so good year for my team. From 1st place last year to 4th place this year. Boohoo!

And to conclude February, an extensive "baking" session at the stadium for the district level athletics meet. Kulit hangus!!

Bring it on March!

Its a solitary journey

This is the time when I feel the loneliest ever. Its when you decide everything yourself and the road taken is so lonely.

Its when you need things done your way but people will just question it. Why do you need this? Why do you want that? Why? Why? Can't I just have it my way? and now it turns out that I am not having this celebration for myself but for others.

Everything I worked on. Everywhere, be it anything. Work, personal, for the future. It will be questioned. Can't I just have it my way? Jadi apa lah saya punya kewujudan ni kalau semua pun mo kana query...

Support? Fuck support

Career? Fuck career

Wedding? Fuck the wedding prep.

I am in a mess now and totally sunburnt. I have till Thurs to be baked in and out.

If I am to pack and leave right now and leave everything and everyone. I wouldn't miss anything or anyone.

Everyone can just go to hell.

Chap Goh Meh

Was yesterday... It was almost like a war zone by midnight and I didn't sleep well.

And I really wasn't in a good or neutral mood today. It's like I was really really on a pissed off mood. I threw a wooden ruler to the students today during class. I can easily break somebody's neck today if someone ever stepped on my tail.

Coughing non stop and blocked nose while teaching paralyzed everything and the unlucky students got all the shit load from me today.

Looking at wedding gowns and all this stupid preparation made me feel even worse knowing that I am not in a supermodel size or anything near. Pretty gowns are nothing when you have big arms, big bust, big waist and everything big. All those stupid gowns pun tiada yang murah. Bikin sakit jiwa mau kawin ni. There you have it a bridezilla in the making now. I feel like a female Incredible Hulk today. Just that I am not green but flaming red.

And I just can't recall why I started to take up the challenge of having a no-meat for 40 days during lent. It's only like two weeks to it and I am on the brink of giving up. I am getting bored with fish and since the red tide alarm is still around, its like impossible to eat fish with no worries. Thus resulting in canned food all the time. Urgh!! Without meat in my diet and under pressure now, I feel like eating everyone up, Semua kana marah.

Now my meal will usually consists of eggs, canned tuna, kimchi or some vege and rice.

Saya mau sasau!!!! Huhu. Easter come fast!

Sulky Sunday

Maybe I have started my weekend on the wrong foot. I was kinda feeling extra grumpy today. Its like almost everything irritates me. Or maybe it's just one of those days. Even the bedsheet being very licin pisses me off.

I am still coughing like no tomorrow and my cough syrup has finished. Sang at the choir today and can't help but to sound very nasal and elephant like. Ugh!

And hey, I miss singing so much. I have not done any covers since like November last year. Christmas came and blacked out whole of December and the prepping of new school year and my engagement party blacked out the whole of January and February is running fast after the whole Korean program and school work came like avalanche.

Prepping for a wedding in less than a year is also stressing me out. Practically everything is stressing me out these days. Work (never ending timetable changes), wedding prep, what's life gonna be like if I ever have to transfer. The only method of escapism from all this madness is to indulge in a good song. And just layaaaaannnnnnnn... It has been months since I touched my ukulele too.

I am sad. really sad.

I just want tomorrow to still be a Friday. I hate Mondays!

Himpunan what?!

Shitty Saturday. When one has to wake up at 530am. and leave the house by 6am .. just to register by 7am. As it was stated in the letter.

I am totally un-amused!

And look at the teachers lining up to get the free baju and supposedly "register" their attendance and the registration system wasn't even organised well. People just dont know where to line up and when they just line up they only discovered that they lined up at the wrong queue upon reaching the counters because the labels are small!

They made teachers came from around Sabah to this place on a SATURDAY, EARLY in the morning just to make sure that the VIP won't be alone at the event. Because apparently, if you invite people nicely, NO ONE will actually come to this event. Hmmppph! Bagi duit bah, berebut urang datang tu.

I saw photos of teachers playing games, exhibition and what other nonsense. One photo that amuses me a lot is some teachers playing congkak. WHAT? They take your weekend away from you so that you can play congkak with fellow guru muda. ODOI!

And hello that Mr.Muhyi only came at around 11ish am. Thank God I have left by 830am. I just don't understand this activities done by the "higher" authority these days will always cause massive human queue everywhere.


Hey look here. The BSN in Tuaran. Check out the queue for the people to cash out their BR1M voucher.

Needing the third opinion

Color schemes. Yes, girls think about colors critically more than anything in this world. So, all the girls out there. Help to me to vote for the color scheme for the upcoming celebration.

1) TIFFANY BLUE AND PINK

http://www.elizabethannedesigns.com/blog/2011/08/18/blue-pink-wedding-colors/

2) SILVER AND PINK

http://ajulybride.blogspot.com/2010/09/wedding-motif-silver-and-pink.html

3) DUSTY PINK & GOLD

http://www.theperfectpalette.com/2011/03/sweet-sweet-love-dusty-rose-antique.html

4) PINK & YELLOW

http://www.theperfectpalette.com/2010/03/spring-is-in-air-shades-of-pink-yellow.html

5) PINK & GLITTERING GOLD

http://www.theperfectpalette.com/2013/01/party-palette-shades-of-pink-glittery.html

6) LUSCIOUS RED, PINK & TAN

http://www.theperfectpalette.com/2011/02/happy-valentines-day_14.html

Main tipu kan..semua ada pink juga. Hahaha. Its the color combination bah yang I cant decide. Bah, kalau kamurang numbur berapa kamu suka.

Hello Valentine! ( a back dated post )

This is a backdated post because I forgot to publish it. haha
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A lot has been going lately eh? The whirlwind of the political scene and the invasion of some Filipino militants in east coast definitely has stir different emotions altogether. There was a big fire near the waterfront area lagi today. Whoa. Eventful.

Today is all about love. Love for yourself, your family, your partner, your friends, your pets, your belongings and everything. Haha. Hope you all had and eventful day today. Mine was spent at the netball court today.

Also, a birthday shoutout to my sister Erika. Happy 18th Birthday. Besar sudah oh pula my youngest sister. She is no longer a baby. I remember being 18 and I was already a first year student in uni. Huhu.

Have a happy valentine all! Spread the smile and love to everyone. Everyone deserved to be loved.

Jyeah!

Finally I am down with sore throat and flu. Hurrah! After almost a month of non stop hectic schedule. (Engagement prep+engagement day+Korean visit+netball practice+netball tourney). This is it. This is all my body can take and finally it gave me the signal to take a break.

I am also on a no-meat for 40 days FYI. Cheer me on ok. So far the temptation of meat can be avoided, just don't tempt me with char siew aka sasau. Hoho.

Back to work today, the bluest Monday ever and I harassed my students with unkind words today. Thank God for sweet surprises like this handmade card by the mister. My heart got flower u know. Haha. His handwriting has gotten better. Haha.

Best Birthday to date

Although it falls on Ash Wednesday but it doesn't stop me to have little little birthday parties to celebrate being 28 and as my girlfriends say last birthday time bujang.

Thanks all, I feel so blessed and happy. Usually its always a quite birthday party for me. A cake at home and thats it. But this time around, I felt so happy to celebrate with all my favorite people around. ( Just the Andre is not around - but its okay! ahaha )

Birthday Lunch with the fancy hats and the 2 and 8 candles... It's surreal to see that number. I have stop counting since 25

Another mini birthday party with the Korean students. They are one very hyper bunch. Love the energy, made me feel so young!

And of course, the birthday party with the family. Every year, I surely share my birthday cake with my sister Erika and usually the party will be on the 14th. But since everyone at home today, so we decide to cut the cake today. YEAY!

Oh how I wish I don't have to worry about sagging skin and wrinkles. Anyway, I had a great birthday.  Come next week, this birthday girl has a lot planning to do since this is the last day being bujang. Gah!

Have a great day tomorrow! Valentines day it is!

Reunion Dinner

It's a mixed feeling reunion dinner this year. Knowing that its gonna be the last one for me here back home for next year it will be a different place and different story. Ah, mau nangis! But should be happy also when you can celebrate the season with your other half. Confusing mind situation.

Also plus 3 Korean sisters are celebrating it with me. They will be leaving tomorrow too. So, another mixed feeling situation.
It's quite a taxing week to host them at the school but also will be missing them too.

January Round Up

So, as I said this 2013 will be based on monthly achievements review instead of having long term goals. Here's January round up

1) I survived the first month of working - it's super hectic though!

Netball practice, preparation for the student exchange program, rombakan jadual waktu, buku catatan rasmi sekolah, meetings and what nots. Am still so grateful that I am not a form teacher. Just so looking forward playing host for the Korean students next week. Here's the banner I design for the program

2) I got engaged!

Well, technically I was engaged almost 10 months ago after I said YES to a wedding proposal but since its the local custom to have an engagement ceremony. So, 26th January was my engagement party. And finally people for once will stop asking when am getting married. Sabarrr... nanti baru saya kasitau itu wedding date. Lain pula perasaan ni kalau almost off the market sudah. Ohou! Like my manager said, "You'll be breaking lotsa hearts in the music scene, banyak la budak band kecewa ni" - LOL

Here's some photos of the engagement party. Thanks to all for making it happen and those who were there to attend. These awesome photos was taken by Pastels & Cream team. Highly recommended to all, find them on facebook.

iPhone5 belongs to Flora, hehe. The cake is from Secret Recipe decorated with fresh flowers by yours truly. 

Felt so blessed to have lots of family members around. I just can remember being so sleepy that time. Gosh!

I am lovin' Mr Andre's shirt color more than my dress. Bought my dress at double-woot.com

Saw the fingerprint hearts idea on pinterest and utilise them on the program book.

those DIY crepe flowers also done via discovery on pinterest. I just love pinterest.  But the process of making it requires a lot of patience.

Chocopops by Pastels&Cream. And they design the tags for you as well. Love love love!

Those lovely cupcakes and chocopops were also by Pastels & Cream. Seriously, do hire them!

Oh yeah, cos smiling to the camera is too mainstream. So, as wedding date's announcement - jadi don't ask

Till then, have a good new month ahead ya!

Resolutions for 2013

Is it too late to start having new year's resolution now? Its already the last day of January. Life has been a rollercoaster ride right after 2013 came so it's time for catching up now.

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So let's just review about my 2012 resolution

1) Scuba diving licence
Recycled resolutions. Yea I know. Hihi - STATUS : still undone. I was so close to going but the timing just wasn't right.

2) Get my band's EP done
Soon..soon..soon. Crossing fingers for this - STATUS : DONE! yeay!

3) Blog more
Yeah, serious! Also do follow my 365 days oops its leap year; 366 days ( a photo a day ) blog 
STATUS : Done! Well, at least I blogged about 130 posts for 2012 compared to 128 in 2011. Hahaha.

4) Learn a new musical instrument
Bongo! Come on... hehe. Am so bad with rhythm. So let's see. Haha - STATUS: ah, kensel! Nda payah la ni. Hopeless.

5) Get at least another RM2000 saved in my savings account
A specific target, its a must. If not, I will only be bank in RM1 every month in result, I only have RM12 savings per year. Saving money its like the hardest thing to do. Its a battle of will power. Even if you have saved some in the bank, the tendency to get the money out is always there. Again its always will power - STATUS: Done with savings but the amount is pathetic! Huhu

6) Eat less meat and exercise regularly
God! please help me on this. Don't take away my meat from me. I love meat. Must have it all the time but the diet must be well balanced right. Adoi, eating healthy is totally a challenge cos I LOVE MEAT! Exercise...yeah, I start tomorrow la. Today rehat dulu. Ngehehehe..
STATUS: Halfway there. Gosh! I did maintain a healthy lifestyle by exercising regularly but the weight just can't be shaved off. WHY????


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How about 2013 then?

Am not setting any resolutions this year I guess. Yeah, seriously. I declare this year is the year without resolutions.

Like it will ever make a difference kan. With or without, one never keep their words anyway. Hehe. So, am just gonna live by monthly accomplishments reviews instead of setting a long term goal over a new year.

20 something days to sober up

And just to realized there's gonna be a party to celebrate a proposal done maaaaaannnyyyy moons ago.

Happy 2013

Selamat Tahun Baru 2013 semua.

Ok ni tahun sa kawin!!! Ahahahhaaha.

Am clearly drunk !

Don't drink and blog. Have a happy new year all!

I will write more when I am sober .hehehe!